stand up for yourself
Tell the other person how you feel openly and honestly
Take the first step and lead the conversation by letting the other person know how their actions and words have hurt you. If they seem really confused, shocked, and apologetic, maybe it's just poor communication and not mind games. But if they try to twist your words or take over the conversation, they're probably playing mind games with you.
- For example, you might say, "I feel like you ignored my feelings when we were talking." A person who plays mind games might say, "How do I know how you feel?"
- Make a habit of expressing your feelings honestly. Healthy communication is probably the most important aspect of building and maintaining a healthy relationship.
Tackle mind games head on
Clearly let the other person know that you know what they want to do and that you are willing to do it. We will not fall victim to it. If they are called out, they are less likely to continue trying to manipulate you.
- For example, if someone tries to say that something isn't happening the way you know it's going, you might say, "I can tell you're trying to bring me down, but I don't like it. I know what's going on." "
- People who play mind games think they can control you. When you're smarter than them and let them know you're paying attention, they'll know they can't control you that way.
Set boundaries for manipulative behavior
Tell the person how you want to be treated and what you are comfortable with. Then, tell them what will happen if they continue to violate the boundaries you set, creating consequences. Be clear and direct when you draw the line, and be prepared to enforce it consistently and follow up with those consequences if they try to attack you again.
- For example, you might say, "Please don't raise your voice when you talk to me. If you do that again, I'll walk away and end the conversation." Then, if they raise their voice again, step away to reinforce the boundary.
- Many people who play mind games view boundaries as something to be pushed through. They may think that other people's boundaries don't apply to them. By enforcing your boundaries, you place yourself outside their control.
Ask probing questions to draw attention to their manipulative behavior
Ask probing questions to draw attention to their manipulative behavior. The right questions focus on the manipulative parts of what the other person is trying to say. When you put manipulation front and center, it forces them to be directly accountable for it. This can be a very effective way to shift power and outwit others - you might even get them to admit to what they're trying to do. Here are some examples of questions you might ask:
- Do I have a say in this?
- Are you asking me or telling me?
- Is this fair to you?
- Do you think it is reasonable?
- If you were in my situation, would you agree?
Ignore this person or leave the conversation
If someone says something to you that sounds manipulative, ignore it rather than respond to it. Continue talking as if they never said it at all, or just stay silent and let them understand. If they become aggressive or doubly manipulative, you always have the option to walk away.
- For example, if this person is trying to gaslight you by saying, "Oh, you're just being overly emotional," then just stand there quietly with a blank look on your face.
- When you refuse to respond, it can really highlight how wrong their statement is and make them feel stupid for trying to manipulate you in this way.
Care about your mental health
Keep your distance from controlling people
Sometimes when you take a few steps back from someone playing mind games, you can see more clearly what they are doing. Observe how they appear in front of other people—controlling people often wear different masks for different audiences. Also, if you keep them at arm's length and avoid interacting with them (unless absolutely necessary), they will have less control over you.
- Stepping away from the person and situation can also help you figure out why they are trying to manipulate you. This won't stop the behavior, but it can give you some insight and help you understand it.
- Ending any relationship is uncomfortable, but sometimes it's necessary. Once you discover that a relationship is toxic, it's usually best to end it.
Take steps to escape the influence and control of the manipulator
Mind games can be really hard to deal with, even after you defend yourself. Gradually separate yourself from the manipulator by telling them "no" or establishing clearer boundaries. As you slowly remove that person's influence from your life, you'll feel happier and more in control.
- For example, if you live with a parent who constantly plays mind games, you may need to make plans to get your own place or move in with friends or other relatives.
- If the controlling person is abusive in other ways, develop a plan to maintain your personal safety. Set up a support system or talk to someone at a domestic violence hotline.
Seek support from trusted friends and family
Controlling people often try to isolate you by creating distance or distrust between you and your friends and family. Take back those relationships and you'll begin to see the manipulative person for what they really are. Your friends and family can help you in many ways, not only by listening, but by doing small tasks for you to take some of the load off of you while you make a plan to get out of the manipulative relationship.
- This can also help if you are confused or doubtful about the information someone playing mind games is feeding you. Ask others if it is true, or have them validate how you feel about a situation.
- People who play mind games do this to control you, and they can do better if they isolate you from others. Make sure to maintain strong connections with people you trust.
If you're in a manipulative relationship, talk to a therapist
Even if you get out of a manipulative relationship, it's hard to get back in. Say this to yourself after someone plays mind games with you. It’s normal to have feelings of confusion, insecurity, and self-doubt. A therapist can help you clear your mind and get into a better place mentally and emotionally.
- Therapists often have different coping techniques that you can try until you find the one that works best for your personal situation.
- Join a support group and talk to others who have been through similar situations. It can make you feel less alone and help you regain your confidence.
Discover mind games
You question your thoughts and feelings
The entire purpose of many different types of mind games, such as gaslighting, is to make you question your own understanding of reality. If you start to question things you were previously sure of, it could be the result of psychological manipulation.
- For example, if your partner always goes out alone and you mention that you're worried about it, they might try to gaslight you by saying, "You're imagining things. I can't go anywhere without you."
you feel inferior or bad about yourself
People who play mind games will try to make you feel bad about yourself through insults or unfavorable comparisons with others. They want you to feel so bad about yourself that you'll be willing to do whatever they ask you to do in the hope of getting into their good graces.
- For example, your controlling boss might say, "Your reports are not bad, but even your best reports are still not as good as Alice's worst reports." If you want to succeed at this company, you Efforts need to be stepped up. "
- In relationships, these types of mind games can be especially harmful. For example, a controlling partner might say, "You shouldn't wear so much makeup, it just makes you look older than you are."
You feel guilty for wanting to do something
People who play mind games often resort to guilt trips to make you feel guilty for things you want to do. They believe that if you feel guilty about what you want to do, you will do what they want you to do.
- For example, you already have plans for the evening, but one of your friends is feeling lonely and wants you to hang out with them, so they tell you, "If you really cared about how I feel, you would come over and hang out with them." "Come out with me. "
You are full of doubts and insecurities
Not all manipulative behavior is aggressive. Sometimes people who play mind games will use more passive techniques, such as forgetting what is important to you and then downplaying your reactions. The point is to sow seeds of self-doubt that make you feel insecure about yourself and the things you value.
- For example, your partner might "forget" about your doctor's appointment and say, "Is this really that important to you?"
You're afraid of what will happen if you don't follow the manipulator
People who play mind games often try to exploit your fears for their own purposes. Let you do what they want you to do. They will tell you that if you don't do what they want, bad things may happen.
- For example, a controlling person might tell you that your best friend will reject you if you don't follow their advice.
You feel pressured to change your boundaries
You feel pressure to change your boundaries. Manipulative people tend to view boundaries as something they need to overcome. They don't care about respecting your limits - they want you to change your limits for them. Subjugating you to their will in this way is their way of controlling you.
- This can also manifest as someone overly praising you and trying to get you to do something you wouldn't normally do. For example, a boss who plays mind games may publicly praise your work on a project and ask you to take on more work than you are capable of.
- A healthy relationship is one where both parties respect each other and respect each other's boundaries. If you feel like someone is constantly ignoring your boundaries or engaging you in activities or situations that make you uncomfortable, it may be time to end the relationship.
